Neptune Rising by HA Fowler [HET review]

Neptune Rising by H.A. Fowler was like a constant homage to other books or even
television shows. I say homage to be polite. Let me explain: the hero, Hart Campbell,
is describe as having cheekbones like David Boreanaz's and sounding like a Scotsman
because he sounded like Jamie from a Diana Gabaldon's book. He is a incubus and, like a Christina Feehan or Kresley Cole book, has a soulmate with a cutesy name -- an
Intimate. Its not a good sign when a reader is like, "wow, that seems like something in so-n-so's book so why am I not reading them?" It took me two tries to finish this
story. Neptune Rising (the title seems to have nothing to do with the book) earns a D.

I'm a poor college student, and I could be spending what little money I have on beer
and weed, but I decided to spend it on books. I could have gotten five used books for
the price of this 10k-20k story. And, as a poor college student who is neither drunk
nor high and has just finished a really really disappointing book, I will not be
pulling any punches.

Kimber Andrews, a 'quirky' girl, is looking for love and with the help of her witchy
friend, tries to summon the perfect man. Too bad she summons the perfect rapist in the form of a incubus. Hart Campbell looks like David Boreanaz and happens to be a very bland, Scottish Guardian. He's also a reformed incubus. He has to rescue her from being raped. She's enough of a wet blanket that right after almost being raped (which honestly, don't start necking with a dude who appears out of thin air wearing bondage gear) she hops into bed with Hart. Who later has a thought bubble about Kimber's spirit. What?!? Maybe H.A. Fowler should have showed some of this spirit before. Of course, they fall in love after five seconds because Kimber is a desperate woman (Hart falls out of the sky and without any questioning Kimber is fine to be with him FOREVER) and Hart's has that whole mystically Intimate thing going on.

H.A. Fowler takes way too long (with too many cliches) to describe how great looking
Hart is. We get it -- He's fucking pretty. Her skill with description is again used
with such lovely terms as aching channel, womanly juices, velvet steel, and throbbing
womb. Maybe its just because I'm a big lo' lesbo, but those words just threw me right
out of every sex scene. You know what else threw me out of the sex scene -- Kimber's
screaming orgasms of cliche. Wow, I would not want to live next to that broad. Hart
doesn't sound like a heterosexual dude. In fact when he is around his partner, Nasim,
he sounds like he'd rather be with Nasim than Kimber. The dialogue is so cheesy; its I
-want-some-tortilla-chips-to-go-with-this cheesy; my eyes almost popped out of my
sockets because I kept rolling them. There is not plot. There are some info dumps
between Kimber and Hart having boring sex, but no plot.

Good things, because even I am tired of my rant, are the lovely cover, Nasim, and the
editing. The plot really could have been cool which sort of counts as a good thing.

Neptune Rising was every cliche and overly used plot point of recent paranormals rolled into one. Kimber and Hart are uninteresting characters. The whole book seems like author wish fulfillment, as a fanfic reader, I know how to spot that. This is a best seller at Cobblestone so some people must like it; I really did not. See for yourself at href="http://www.cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/neptunerising.htm">Cobblestone
Press.